Now I have never really believed in making new years resolutions, for me they are just one more way to fail. This year, however, I really feel like I need to make some changes. I have been letting life pass me by and making some very sorry excuses for it. Well the buck stops here!!! I have made a list, not of resolutions, but of my goals. I have been thinking a lot about this. On the surface I want what every other woman wants... to loose the weight and make the money. Those things are not on my list, though they will be a brilliant side effect to accomplishing my list of goals. So without further ado....
Top ten goals for 2010
1. Get a job that I want.
2. Get motivated. Stay motivated.
3. Run a 5k race. finish it.
4. Get a hobby.
5. Find some direction.
6. Get my confidence back.
7. Face my fears.
8. Learn something new.
9. Stop complaining.
10. Voulenteer.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
my ugly truth.
I am indecisive, unmotivated and completely lost. I make lists for the lists that i need to make. I feel have to be organized all of the time, but i am messy and without discipline. I seem to lack any real direction in my life and cannot for the life of me feel passionate for any particular career path.
I am unhappy with my life. I push people away and then blame them for it. I never finish what i start and i am rarely ever really myself. I am terrified of failure, so i will make any excuse possible to get myself out of having to try. I like to say that i am not bitter, but who am i kidding? I have wasted years daydreaming about what my life could be like, but when it comes time to step up and make it happen i come up with a new dream or some reason why what i want is simply unattainable. I know that i can be more. I can do more. I would like to think that someday i will change. I will wake up and suddenly know what i want. Maybe someday i will feel beautiful, or worth more than just a dream.
I guess the question is how do i pick myself up out of this mess and become someone that i like?
I need to learn to get out of my own way. I need to learn discipline. I need to make the necessary changes in my life to find the happiness that i often dream of.
will it ever be enough?
I am unhappy with my life. I push people away and then blame them for it. I never finish what i start and i am rarely ever really myself. I am terrified of failure, so i will make any excuse possible to get myself out of having to try. I like to say that i am not bitter, but who am i kidding? I have wasted years daydreaming about what my life could be like, but when it comes time to step up and make it happen i come up with a new dream or some reason why what i want is simply unattainable. I know that i can be more. I can do more. I would like to think that someday i will change. I will wake up and suddenly know what i want. Maybe someday i will feel beautiful, or worth more than just a dream.
I guess the question is how do i pick myself up out of this mess and become someone that i like?
I need to learn to get out of my own way. I need to learn discipline. I need to make the necessary changes in my life to find the happiness that i often dream of.
will it ever be enough?
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