I am indecisive, unmotivated and completely lost. I make lists for the lists that i need to make. I feel have to be organized all of the time, but i am messy and without discipline. I seem to lack any real direction in my life and cannot for the life of me feel passionate for any particular career path.
I am unhappy with my life. I push people away and then blame them for it. I never finish what i start and i am rarely ever really myself. I am terrified of failure, so i will make any excuse possible to get myself out of having to try. I like to say that i am not bitter, but who am i kidding? I have wasted years daydreaming about what my life could be like, but when it comes time to step up and make it happen i come up with a new dream or some reason why what i want is simply unattainable. I know that i can be more. I can do more. I would like to think that someday i will change. I will wake up and suddenly know what i want. Maybe someday i will feel beautiful, or worth more than just a dream.
I guess the question is how do i pick myself up out of this mess and become someone that i like?
I need to learn to get out of my own way. I need to learn discipline. I need to make the necessary changes in my life to find the happiness that i often dream of.
will it ever be enough?
hi karly - i stumbled across your blog, just as i once stumbled across you personally in a past time.
ReplyDeletei thought i would respond to your post as a listener.
i certainly won't respond with advice, comments or self help. but as an ear and hope of inspiration.
i can understand, relate and have experienced your message post. i'd like to think that your experiences are very much to what i have experienced. the same thoughts of hopelessness, the goals of the unattainable and the lack of motivation to pursue the next day.
several years ago i went through some challenging times, not pleased with my direction, found my mechanisms to cope and just really doubted many things within my life. from what it sounds above, i too was not pleased with the current direction. i too desired change and more.
then one day, i stumbled across the story of david goggins. david set out to raise money for mother's of fallen victims of the war. he did so by running 100 miles. however, he never ran more then 10k in his life. just one day he woke up and said. i either do this or don't. he tortured himself beyond belief to "do it". he set his mind, to wake up everyone morning at 4am and do it. his story is amazing. i encourage you to google him.
his philosophy set into my mind, and that in itself motivated and inspired me to live on that principle that i either do it or don't. for when i do, i am one more step to attainment then if i don't. it boils down to me getting up at 6am or forcing myself to go to be in bed at 10pm. i realized that, that every little minut decision in my life leads to one more greater decision in the future and when those little decisions are made to press forward, it brings me a little closer to saying - whew, dang i did it.
in the last 3 years, i have achieved some amazing life changing movements in my life with those simple little words. do it or don't. i know it sounds so nike like, but i hope that in time you ask yourself that same thing when faced with a decision.
i wish you the best karly!
cp
thank you.
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